She's Going To Kill Me
by doodlebutt
Summary: Oh no! Katie finds out about how much Oliver likes her. Humor, fluff, and an adorable Mr. Wood. Read and Review...I think I'm much better at writing oneshots than other chapter fics. NEW ADDED SEQUEL READ AND REVIEW
1. Chapter 1

**AN: I have been reincarnated. Celebrate by leaving me with a review :)**

Kinda**..OOC...random...eh. You know you like it.**

**Quote Of The Day: "Tom, you're so far in the closet you're getting Christmas presents."-Family Guy**

**She's Gonna Kill Me by dooooooooodlebutters.**

"When you write your will, do you address it as 'Will' or is it's full name 'William'?"

"Wood, pray tell, just _why _are you writing your will at the tender age of seventeen?"

"Er.."

"The long version?"

""

"no...comprendo..?" I gave her a clueless glance, and she shrugged. Damn muggle languages.

I resorted to caveman language, in hopes she would understand me.

"Me. Draw. Parchment. Heart. Katie. Wood. Sparkles. Glitter. Shit."

I was not ready for the gleeful shriek that seemed to rattle around in my head as Angelina pounced on me.

"So what happened after that? Tellmetellmetellmetellme!"

"No. It's embarrassing."

"Wood, you will tell me or I will auction off all your underwear and keep the winnings."

"Okay, okay. Geez."

I started off by telling her in more detail how I was doodling on my charms essay (well...its not about charms anymore), in the common room and somehow I became mentally ill for a few minutes and daydreamed and thought of my chaser. Normally, when I think of Katie, I think of how she can perfect her aim, and straighten her elbow, and pass the quaffle. Now, it's more along the lines of how her hair glistens in the sun, how her smile lights up the room, and how she's just so damn cute.

But I digress.

And so as I told Angelina, I relived the moment which was still frighteningly sharp in my mind.

Katie came up behind me and said, "Dear Cap'n...I was wondering if-" I swiveled my head to see her.

"Yes?" Dearest love of my life, what is your wondrous wish?

But her eyes had a look of great concentration, and I found her to be staring down into my lap.

"Katie, why are you staring so intensely at my balls?"

She giggled. It was a nice giggle too. Not like those extremely annoying ones that come from the girly girls. And I would know. Because I am Oliver Wood. And Mr. Wood here has his own fan club. So yeah. Take that, me.

Damnit, I've got to stop arguing with myself.

Back to the point. Giggling. Katie. Wonderful. Beautiful.

I looked down at my lap, and there was the parchment, with a big ol heart on it, and the words Katie Bell-Wood, and a bunch of glitter, and all that.

Oh shit. I told Angelina I had only "sworn under my breath" but it was more along the lines of

"HOLY MOTHER OF -bleeeeeep-."

So I did a very unmanly and un-Oliver thing, and I hightailed it out of there and sped up to my

dormitory.

I looked back, only once, to see Katie pick up the fallen parchment I had dropped in my haste, and leave the room.

"So that's it?" Angelina was not known for being tactful.

"What's it? That's all you can say? I've been literally humiliated in front of the love of my life and all you can say is-"

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?"

"Ack. This is awkward."

"You bet. And I will make it awkward _and _auction off your underwear _and _sell off your broomstick _and _sell all your clothes if you don't tell Katie you like her the proper way."

"Merlin, all you think about is money. And Katie is going to kill me!"

"If by money you mean two-of-my-best-friends-getting-together-like-they-were-supposed-to-be-from-the-day-they-met then yes, I do mean money."

"Never in a million years, Angelina. She doesn't like me that way. She's smart and pretty and can kick a guy's ass when he deserves it. She's out of my league. Plus I'm about to get my ass kicked."

Angelina's face got all cryptic and all-knowing, "You never know Oliver. And it doesn't hurt to try."

"Don't get all logical on me now! I need to write this."

"Fine. I'm about to go snog Fred over in the Quidditch Pitch, so nobody can hear us. If you need me, you know where to find me." It scared me how honest she was sometimes.

Later...

_Dear Will(iam),_

_I leave all my boxers to Miss Angelina Johnson, in hopes that she may sell off my clothes for her own monetary gain, but never ever sell my kilt, and keep it as a fond memento of our discussions on whether a real man wears nothing under it._

_To my chocolate, I leave to Alicia Spinnet, in hopes she will gain some weight and stop being so damn breakable. Mr. Wood was tired of hauling your ass to the hospital wing, even though you are one of his very best friends._

_To Mr.'s Fred and George Weasley, I leave all my fan girls, as with me dying they might be a bit preoccupied and need a shoulder to cry on, if you catch my drift. And Fred, make sure Angelina doesn't know about it._

_To Dumbledore, I hope you find your anti-itch cream, but I didn't really need to know it was for your buttocks. You might want to go to Saint Mungo's for that, if the rash spreads...okay, stop with the horrifying mental images._

_To Katie Bell, I leave my heart._

Somebody was reading over my shoulder. I hated that. I turned around to find Katie's large green orbs staring back at my chocolate ones.

Oh my gawd, I think my heart stuttered.

Oh my gawd, I'm such a girl.

"Why are you writing your will, Oliver?"

"Oh...no reason."

She walked around the couch and sat beside me and nuzzled her head into my neck.

"Aww...come on Oliver. You can tell me."

"Uhh-er...no. I mean yes. No. No! Yes." I knew I was going to die soon. Katie was going to kill me, or I was going to spontaneously combust from nervousness, and the poor house-elves were going to have to scrape my innards off the walls.

"Please?" She breathed, which made me feel all tingly and certainly _very _unmanly.

"Fine. You're going to kill me."

"And why am I going to kill you Oliver?"

"Because I accidentally professed my love to you...and you don't like me back?"

"Pfft. How would you know I didn't ah, _swing the other way_?"

Gah. Now those were some very good mental images...Is it hot in here?

"Katie?"

"Just kidding, Ol. Besides, I like you back."

Whew. I'm kinda glad she was kidding about the liking girls part—wait, did she just say she liked me back?

"Katie, you like me back?"

"What's not to like, Oliver?"

I stared into her abnormally pretty eyes, and my breathing grew ragged, and we both leaned closer, and closer...till our lips were about an inch away...just a little farther...

"WELL THAT WAS A LOVELY ROMP, WASN'T IT, ANGELINA? GOD, THE THINGS YOU CAN DO WITH YOUR TONGUE...!"

A very loud Fred Weasley, accompanied by a very red Angelina, strolled through the portrait door.

Damn them for ruining my moment.

Me and Katie both stared at them in shock as they started making out in front of us.

"You know Oliver...the pitch is empty now..." Angelina chuckled while Fred was sucking on her ear.

I didn't need telling twice.

Lets just say not ALL of my memories on the pitch were about Quidditch...hehehe.

**Yay! A short, fluffy oneshot guaranteed to make you smile. Not my funniest, I don't think...:(**

**Oh well. Leave me a review!**


	2. A sequel, just to get you to review

**Well lookie here. I've got a hundred plus views but only 3 reviews? Tsk, tsk.**

**Come on guys...I'm writing an extra special sequel just for you!**

**Every day...**

**Babies die of hunger...**

**Puppies die of thirst...**

**...People just DIE okay!**

**But...**

**Be a good person. Review :)**

**(And yes, that was my sneaky underhanded way to get you to review.**

"O-Oliver?"

"Happy Birthday, Katie." I said to her, with a soft kiss.

"Oh Oliver...I didn't think you would do this for me just for me 30th birthday!" She exclaimed happily.

"It's a very special time...you deserve it." I had gotten permission from Dumbledore to use the pitch, which I had decorated every bench with dozens of candles. The effect was almost...well, _magical._

Carefully, I led my very beautiful, very 8 months pregnant girlfriend over to the candlelit table right in the center of it all. We sat, and I handed her some _non-alcoholic _butterbeer.

"What happened?" I asked worriedly as she patted her stomach tenderly.

"Nothing...just a little kick." She lied. I can tell when she lies. Her eyebrows squinch together.

"All right...whatever you say..." I've learned not to get on her bad side.

All of a sudden she turned white.

"OLIVER!" I sprinted around the table.

"What honey? Tell me what's wrong and I'll fix it." Wordlessly, she stood up and pointed to her feet.

Between them was a puddle that was growing steadily bigger.

"Shit. Your water broke. Oh man, what am I going to do..." I started pacing around while Katie stared at me. _We could apparate to St. Mungos...oh wait, this is Hogwarts grounds. We could deliver the babies ourselves? What a good idea! NOT._

So I continued arguing with myself until finally...

"Why don't you just call Madame Pom-Pom?" Katie was surprisingly calm.

"Good idea." I quickly amplified my voice.

"MY WIFE IS CURRENTLY IN LABOR ON THE QUIDDITCH PITCH! MADAME POMFREY IS REQUESTED IMMEDIATELY."

"So Oliver...how bout them Cannons, huh? Damn, what an upset in the last few games! And their seeker catching the ball right in front of the Falcon's seeker? Brilliant, I tellya."

"Katie...you're in labor. You're not supposed to be talking about Quidditch."

Madame Pomfrey chose that moment to arrive. She lifted Katie's skirt and took a peek _down there._

"She's dilated a lot. There's no time to get her up to the hospital wing. We'll have to do it here, on the Pitch."

Katie smiled at me through her pain. "Oliver, I bet you've always wanted your child to be born on this Quidditch Pitch."

"Holy cow." And with that, I blacked out.

Me and Katie have had lots of fond memories together, but the best one was of little Joey, who was born on the Quidditch Pitch his mother and his father had played on.

**Eh. Just wanted reviews. This crap I wrote right here? I don't like it. But I do want your reviews about it!**


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